Dear John...

I really miss being able to talk to you, dad.

So much has been happening in our little family and extended family--sometimes I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

Your passing away has saved you the heartache you would be feeling right now surrounding these events--and for that, I am thankful. It is a blessing that everything was good and in its right place when you left this earth.

However, it seems that nothing has been right in me since you have left.
It's hard.
Will it always be this hard?

I'm having baby number 3 and you won't see it.
You won't hold it.
I remember when pumpkin was born and you held her for so long.
You cried when you saw her.
She looked like you.
She was a part of you and your story.

She still loves you and talks about you.
She tells bubby about you.

The other day we were going to the store and bubby didn't want to use the bathroom.
and pumpkin said to him
" you won't remember this, but Papa always said to use the bathroom before leave the house."

well. He did.
Not because mommy said so...
but because the Papa he didn't really know, had said it to his big sissy.

These are the little things that make me cry.
Oh well, life does go on.
And you're still a part of ours.

Love,
Me.